What does disability pride mean? An anonymous Belong member shares their story.
Often, the most exhausting part of being disabled is dealing with barriers and stigma, rather than actually living with disability.
Worries often go through my head about how my disability and access needs will be responded to. When applying for jobs, I wonder if the hiring manager will see me and my skills, or simply see my disability as an inconvenience. When I was at university, I’d wonder each semester if my lecturers would adhere to my reasonable adjustments or push back, saying again that I “don’t look disabled”. In the past, I wondered if there would be a point where the things I can’t do are too much for my friends.
Asking for reasonable adjustments or letting people know about your disability isn’t always safe
In the disability community, there’s often an undercurrent of fear we feel trying to keep our lives in careful balance. It’s hard to keep bodies, minds, stable and accessible housing, employment, education, and relationships all running smoothly. It can be scary, and often unsafe, to push back for the things we need or what we deserve. Sometimes, it feels like the safest thing to do is to settle for less than what we deserve: for the job where we can’t fully be ourselves, for the class we are really interested in but the professor refuses to make accessible, or perhaps to fit in with family who just don’t quite get it and don’t have any interest in trying to understand.
It can be easy to start thinking things are “good enough”, or that we actually deserve less. But this way of thinking can lead to being treated poorly by friends or family, pushing beyond physical boundaries in work or study, or accepting poor treatment in romantic relationships. It can lead to thinking that all the ableist things that people say are true.
It may not always be safe to practice self-advocacy, and even when it is, it’s often too exhausting to ask for what we need and risk the heartache of knowing that once again it may not be well-received, and we’ll have to wade through the heartbreak of disability discrimination and ableism. But when it is safe to share a bit more or ask for what you need, it can be so worth it for the chance you might get exactly what you need and deserve.
Disability pride means . . . the magic of getting to be yourself, disability and all
There have been times in my life that rather than resigning from a job or fading out from a friendship, I have communicated my disability, how it affects me, and what I need to do my best and feel my best. Sometimes, it’s gone poorly. But other times, it’s gone so well that it’s changed my life. Some of the hardest and bravest things I have ever done have led to the best things. For example, instead of quitting a job I really loved because the office wasn’t accessible for me, I once let a manager know and was delighted that they found a way for me to do my job without barriers. I have a handful of friends and a partner who I can be myself around fully because of the times I dared to be vulnerable and share all the parts of me.
There are too many disabled people who have felt they need to settle for less in friendship, relationship, or how they’re treated by family. There are too many disabled people who have felt that the only way they can safely continue studies or employment is by being quiet. And there are too many disabled people who haven’t believed themselves about what they need, or that they deserve it. But we all do.
Disabled joy is creating a life where you get to be a person who just happens to have a disability
Because it’s Disability Pride Month, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. So, I invite you to join me in celebrating by not accepting less than you deserve (whenever it’s safe to do so). You deserve to exist surrounded by people who love you exactly as you are, and include you exactly how you need. You deserve education and employment that’s truly accessible and doesn’t make you worry about your future. You deserve to be fully yourself.
You deserve everything you need, and you shouldn’t have to settle for less.
Looking for a disability-led, radically inclusive community where you can connect with others?Join Belong, our free group with both in-person and online events.
Want to write for the Beyond Blog? Email zoe@drc.org.au!
